I think I’ve seriously wanted to be a writer since about eighth grade.  I was a voracious reader pretty much since I was four years old.  As I got older, I not only wanted to live in other worlds and lives, but I wanted to live in worlds of my own devising, so I could make sure that things worked the way I wanted them to.  But various things hindered me, the largest of which was a complete lack of self-confidence.
It was easy for me to see for many years that, despite my good grades in English and writing courses, the things that I wrote didn’t have the power to transport me to their worlds.  Combined with the idea that I could never finish anything by myself, I spent most of my life feeling hopeless about writing.

But last year I got a bug.  (As well as a dose of mania.)  And that passion pushed me past my roadblocks, pushed me past the ‘I know something is wrong but I don’t know how to fix it,’ and pushed me past my doubts and psychological hangups (aside from being obsessive about Benedict Cumberbatch.  That’s still there.).  And last night, I finished the first ‘book’ I have ever, ever finished.

Yes, it’s fan fiction, so no, it will most likely never be published.  And yes, it still needs some editing.  But it’s DONE.  And I am so excited and proud of myself that it’s like drinking a full case of diet Dr Pepper, because I couldn’t get to sleep until sometime after 2 this morning and I couldn’t sleep much past 6.

And while I was pondering this this morning, I remembered this quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. 

And it made me cry.  Because it’s true.

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