What ifs

I woke up early (toooooo early) this morning with a sudden and intense case of the what ifs.  What if I were younger than my husband?  What if my dad had finished grad school?  What if OU had had a good creative writing program?  What if I had more confidence in myself?  What if my husband had finished his degree in 4 years instead of 8?  It’s driving me nuts.  Not only is it a fruitless exercise, but it makes me realize the utterly mind-boggling omniscience of God.  If I were younger, all of my acquaintances growing up would have been different.  If my dad had finished grad school, we probably would have grown up in a different state and everything would have changed.  Some things may not have made much of a difference, but others would have changed the very fabric of who I am.  All of my trials, all of my blessings, all of everything I’ve gone through adds up to what I am now, for better and for worse, but by far mostly for better.  Some may say I’m silly for believing it’s anything but random chance, but I like to believe that God is looking out for me, guiding things I can’t control for my betterment.  Because He cares about me.  And that’s a comforting feeling. 

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